I want to tell you about my friend Wanda. As you may have guessed, her name is not really Wanda. Even though I doubt you will ever run into Wanda, I thought I might change her name and a few identifying characteristics in my blog. Plus, I just really like the name Wanda.
Wanda is a friend of mine and she gave birth to her first daughter a little while ago. The pregnancy was a surprise but she embraced it. She took care of herself and stayed active and dreamed about her baby. She didn’t know much about birth and labor but she figured she would figure it out when the time came. She planned to breastfeed but didn’t really know what to expect. She didn’t do any research on parenting beyond “What to Expect When You’re Expecting…..”. (sigh)
I’ll admit, I was worried about Wanda. Wanda is a go-with-the-flow kinda girl. I’m a know-exactly-where-the-flow-is-going-and-make-lists-of-contingency-plans kinda girl. Wanda just figured her baby would come and she would take it home and take care of it and be happy. “Poor thing,” I thought. “She has no idea what a physical and emotional roller coaster she is about to get on.” I felt like she never prepared. She and I took on the task of having a baby in totally opposite ways. When I was pregnant, I read every single baby book in the bookstore. (I didn’t buy them. I just read them there. Barnes and Noble both groaned when they saw me waddling in.) I made lists of all the layette items I had and what I needed. I agonized over bedding sets and middle names and my perineum. I thought that there was so much I needed to prepare! How would I get it done in only 9 months?
It turns out, Wanda was better prepared than I was. By wanting to do it so literally “by the book”, I was over-prepared. When my son was born, I learned the hard way that too much information can be a bad thing. I was so focused on counting diapers and recording feedings and analyzing cries that I forgot to enjoy my baby. I wanted to make sure I was doing things right, that he was developing right. But, being a mother is nothing you can prepare for with a book. You have to actually do it before you know how to do it. You surrender yourself to your baby and they let you know how to do it.
So, lo-and-behold, Wanda had her baby. We’ll call her Charmaine. (Love that name, too.) And Wanda took her home and took care of her and was happy. She breastfed on-demand. She slept when Charmaine slept. She held her baby all the time. She fell in love with Charmaine right away and she fell in love with being a mother. She never had those attacks of self-doubt that I had every week. She never argued with a newborn about how they “should” be sleeping or how they “should” be eating. She let Charmaine call the shots and mostly stayed home gazing lovingly at her baby.
I think I could have learned a lot from Wanda. Going-with-the-flow is one of the most important parenting skills you can learn. More inportant than learning how to change a diaper or swaddle a newborn or clean an umbilicus. If you relax and listen to your baby, she will tell you everything you need to know. Relaxing has never been easy for me. Eight years after my son arrived, I’m still working on it. Maybe I’ll go over to Wanda’s………….
Adria